Oneitis: The Unhealthy Effects of Falling Madly in Obsessive Love

Google+ Pinterest LinkedIn Tumblr

The term “Oneitis” applies to a person who is infatuated with someone else to an unhealthy degree. While this might seem romantic by Hollywood and classic literature standards, there are many pitfalls to keep in mind. It is important to recognize this before it becomes a real problem. There are many serious consequences of this when it is gone untreated. The sooner you do something about this, the better off you will be as a whole.

You Become Less Productive
Many people who become obsessed with someone romantically also suffer from become unproductive. When your mind and energy is all going towards one person, there is no way for you to be truly productive on a daily basis. Some people with severe cases of oneitis even lose their job because of their infatuation. This is just one of the reasons why it is so crucial for you to maintain perspective when you really like or love someone.

Neediness is NOT Attractive
Oneitis inevitably produces obvious signs of neediness, which is never attractive. It often leads to behavior that is obviously desperate, such as texting over and over. At this point you are just being annoying and not endearing like you might think. The needier you are, the less likely you are to maintain a serious relationship. Whether you are trying to get a certain person or you are already with them, this is never a good thing.

Poor Decision Making
Those who become hopelessly obsessed with someone else always begin making poor decisions of all kinds. This will only serve to drive a wedge between you and the person of your dreams. It can come in all different forms, none of which are ever good. Your obsession leads to reckless choices that you are bound to regret at some point.

Losing Your Sense of Self
Another major pitfall of succumbing to oneitis is that you quickly lose your entire sense of self. It is crucial for anyone who is in a relationship or just pining for someone to keep themselves intact. This means continuing to do the things you normally would, like enjoying your hobbies and everything else. Those who sacrifice their sense of self find themselves lost when their relationship ends.

You Alienate Your Friends
It is also fairly common for those who suffer from this tragic condition to completely alienate their friends. Sometimes it just starts off with canceling plans here and there, but eventually it escalates into complete isolation. Obsessing over a single person usually means putting everyone else on the backburner, which always causes trouble. This can cause a lot of strain on your other relationships, including your family. If you want to keep all of your relationships with the people in your life intact, you need to remember this. It is important that you try to balance this aspect of your life as best you can.

Failure to See Their Flaws
When you are obsessively and madly infatuated with someone, you aren’t going to see their flaws. While nobody is perfect, some people are more flawed than others. You need to think rationally and keep a clear head so you can watch out for red flags. This will allow you to find out if the person is really a good choice for you. There is no possible way that you’ll be able to do this if you are constantly thinking about how perfect they are. It is crucial that you maintain a realistic view of the person, as difficult as this might be. The last thing you want to do is just look at them through “love goggles” all the time, because you won’t see straight.

You Assume They Are Always Right
People who are obsessed with their romantic partner just assume they are always right, even when that is not the case. You need to be able to see when they are in the wrong so you can point it out. This is not about playing the blame game, but rather getting things sorted out in a rational manner. If you are never able to see when your partner missteps in the relationship, you’ll never be able to properly deal with the issues that arise.

Your Mood is Dependent on the Relationship
Part of the reason that oneitis is so unhealthy is because your overall mood is constantly tied to your relationship. If your relationship takes even the slightest dip, your mood will most likely suffer tremendously. It usually doesn’t take much for this to happen, especially when your partner behaves in a way you don’t like. An unstable and constantly shifting mood is definitely not healthy for any person. You need a sense of stability to maintain a healthy relationship, but being obsessed with your partner makes this impossible.

Trouble Settling Down
If you want to eventually settle down with someone special, you can’t let yourself become obsessed. This instantly kills your chances of sustaining a healthy long term relationship. The fact is that you will only be able to make it with someone for the long haul if you are thinking with a clear head. You need to see the person as they actually are instead of who you want them to be. As long as you let your oneitis go untreated, you’ll never be able to really settle down with anyone.

Lack of Self-Esteem
Allowing yourself to stay obsessed over anyone in particular will only leave you feeling weak and powerless. This is horrible for your self-esteem to say the least. If you want to have a healthy romantic relationship and overall life, you need to be able to feel good about yourself. This means making the difficult decision to start thinking clearly. While it might be uncomfortable at first, it is nonetheless very necessary. You will never be able to maintain a solid relationship as long as you have trouble looking yourself in the mirror because you feel like such a weak person.


Anna Perkins is a relationship writer who offers her own forthright opinion over the worlds of dating, romance, relationships , marriage and friendships. She loves cats, traveling, spending time with her son and husband.

Write A Comment