A long-term relationship like marriage is based on trust and a level of comfort between the partners. Without trust, there can only be issues that may weaken the relationship. One such problem that comes with lack of faith is the fear of rejection. Feeling rejected can hurt and quickly undermine your confidence levels.
Fear of rejection can instill self-doubt and make you anxious and distant. This fear could be responsible for bringing down your relationship and create misunderstandings that were non-existent, to begin with. To avoid that, you must overcome the fear of rejection and give your relationship a chance.
7 Ways To Overcome Your Fear Of Rejection
What does rejection mean? Why do we lower our self-worth only to please others? Denial believes that we are worthless and that someone would reject us without a logical explanation. It is us assuming that we are destined to be alone, or that we are unlovable. All this is due to a negative experience in the past or impoverished childhood where we grew up seeking the approval of others. Whatever the reason is for this fear of rejection in you, here are a few ways to overcome it and save your marriage.
1. Express your Feelings:
Unless you talk about it and put it out there, you cannot expect your spouse to understand your fears. It might require you to be vulnerable, but it can help your partner empathize with your struggle and be more sensitive to this matter. Be open about your fear of rejection and insecurities, and maybe your spouse would be able to share his weaknesses too. Only by being honest can you attempt to fix any issue that comes up between the two of you.
2. Don’t live in the Past:
Be aware that your past feelings might be affecting your present. Maybe back in the day, you were a people pleaser and the relationship you were in ended on bad terms, leaving you with a fear of rejection. But not every experience will be the same. If you keep comparing your marriage to a past relationship, it will only lead to an unhealthy relationship pattern. When you let go of the past, only then can you give your marriage a try.
3. Let Go of Unrealistic expectations:
Sometimes, we end up getting hurt and feeling rejected when the expectations we have from our partners are not met. One way to deal with this is to have more realistic expectations from your marriage. There is no such thing as a “perfect spouse.” We all make mistakes, and if your husband lets you down at any point, it doesn’t mean he rejected you or your love. Come to that, have you never disappointed or let your partner down? If you did, does it mean you have rejected his or her love?
4. Remember, You will Survive it:
One of the reasons we fear rejection is that we fear not being able to survive it. Your mind is filled with questions like “What if he leaves me?” “How will I live by myself?’ and so on. Even in the worst-case scenario, you can move on and live happily, although eventually. It is not the end of the world and letting your fear get the best of you won’t make it any better.
5. Stop over thinking and Assuming:
It could be all in your head, and you could be creating a situation that never existed and then falling into the fear of rejection. Stop presuming what will happen and relax and allow the possibility of any outcome. Your spouse is probably not even considering it, so you need to let go of the fear around the chances of rejection.
Fear makes your life difficult and fills your mind with unwanted thoughts. By assuming that your husband might leave you, you are making life hard for yourself. Not worrying about what could happen will let you enjoy life in peace. The perception of your partner leaving you can only create misunderstandings about what he is thinking and that he might reject you. Your own opinion could be clouding your mind emotionally.
6. Give your Marriage Time:
Any relationship takes time, and if you have rushed into things, you may end up with these fears. If you are unsure of something, learn to express it, instead of fearing the outcome. Take time to learn about each other and build confidence in each other and the relationship to be at a place where you can trust that the other would not betray you.
7. Don’t change yourself to Fit in:
Never compromise on the person you are. Sometimes we end up making compromises in our marriage only to avoid the feeling of rejection. All relationships have ups and downs, but that does not mean you can’t make things work. Accept each other for how you are, and build a relationship on trust, and a willingness to work through issues. Understand that you are capable of creating a trusting relationship, and you have the power to make positive things happen for you. So, let go the fear of rejection and embrace a long-lasting relationship.
Remember that it is up to you to overcome your fears. Don’t let your past dictate your present, and the decisions you make today. Sometimes, it is just fear, without any substantial reasons to back it. Giving in to the unreasonable fears could be making you anxious, angry and even defensive, while this behavior could be coming across as offensive to your partner. The irony is that the feared rejection, the idea of which was non-existent, may become your reality.
The good news is that you can prevent that by thinking positively and differently to change how you feel and think. Try these seven ways or tips to alter your thoughts of rejection. Also, imagine how you want the relationship to be: without fear, carefree, peaceful, and trusting.
The more optimistic you are, the better your chances of avoiding negativity in the marriage. You can help your marriage blossom and get closer to your spouse. And remember, your partner may not love you how you want him to. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you with all that he has.